the end of 2009

Another half an hour, we are going to wave goodbye to 2009. Usually, new year is just a new year for me and there’s no other meaning for it but this year, it’s a little bit extraordinary for me. In the last few years, I will usually ask for gathering party with friends to countdown for the coming new year but this year, no. I don’t want to follow the teenager’s trend of celebrating new year with friends. I want to do it in my own way. I wanna spend the last few hours of 2009 only with my family members or all by myself. Movie marathon is what I’ve planned to do. Hopefully, I will enjoy!

New year. It’s the signal of the end and also the sign for a new start. New year is supposed to have new target in life and indeed, I have. In the past few years, I could never really understand the phrase “new goal for new year”, but this year, yes! This is because I’ve grown up a lot in this year. 2009 is truly the most wonderful year for me. I experienced a lot of new things and I see myself changing from an innocent girl to a thoughtful young lady. I can sense that I’m on the process of becoming an adult mentally and emotionally because I think more this time whenever I’ve to make a decision.

2009 is really the most fascinating year in my life. Let’s see what I have experienced from the beginning of this year until now.
1. The first time I took up part-time job.
2. The first time I went for so many interviews-for work and scholarships too.
3. I got my driving license.
4. I went for NS.
5. I studied in KMPK for 25 days.
6. I had my own laptop.
7. I had my own handphone for the very first time.
8. I had the most wonderful birthday celebration.
9. I wore gown for the very first time.
10.I wore 3 inches high high heel shoes
11.I wore contact lens for the very first time.
12.I drove in BU for five days and get one saman, one accident and one small problem with the car.

that’s actually a lot more….but I promise myself I must post it up before the end of 2009.so, I post it up even though I haven’t finished it…..

to be continued….

朋友

人长得越大，烦恼还真是越来越多。很多事情表面上看起来没问题，但是当我们向更深的一层想一想，问题就多了。人人都说我的朋友很多，不管我走到哪里，我都会遇到朋友。朋友的确多，但他们大多数都只是平平之交，真正能够谈心事的不到几个。我一想来都被认为是位很容易和别人相处的人。就算是陌生人，只要它是位多话的人，我都能和他谈得起来。我给别人的第一印象是位爱说话的人，但其实我是个很安静的人。大多数的时候，我都是不出声，静静地聆听别人的谈话，聆听他们对某些事情的看法。我的意见向来都不多，一是因为我的知识浅薄，无法快速地找到相关的数据或资料来认同或反对别人的看法，二是因为我种觉得没有任何解决方案是能让每个人听了都高兴的，所以不管我们如何争论，最后还是不会有结果。我一开始显得吵闹但后来变得很安静的行为的确把某些人给吓倒了。

朋友虽然多，但是他们当中有很多是我纯粹应酬应酬的罢了。我的性格向来都是循规蹈矩，偶尔带有一些幽默感。无言乱语，大吵大闹，在别人的背后说别人的坏话，批评别人的外表，为别人取难听的外号和取笑别人都不是我不爱也不愿做的事情。但是我发觉到现在的人就是那么爱批评。人家说，我们必须要学会接触不同的人。那对于这种爱批评的人，我要如何和他们相处才能被融入他们那一堆人但同时又不会违背自己做人的原则和本性呢？还是我本就应该离开他们，因为我们根本就是两个不同性格的人？我曾想过要放弃和他们保持联络，但回想起和他们一起相处过的日子，我就会觉得虽然他们爱批评，但其实他们也有我值得欣赏的地方，所以我应该珍惜那一段友谊。但是，朋友那么多，如果每一位都要保持联络，那我岂不是变成一个大忙人了吗？说是保持联络，但是每一次传讯息时，问来问去都是那几题，听起来很不真心啊！不真心的事，我最不喜欢做。我要做的事情我就会用心的去做，不想做的事情，我就不会做（不喜欢应酬），除非是必不得已的。继续联络是个问题，不继续联络也是个问题，所以到底要联络还是不要联络？

烦了那么久，我终于做出了一个结论。朋友其实可以分成几种，有可以一起做任何事情及谈心的朋友，有只可以一起玩的朋友，有谈得来但不致于能够谈心事的朋友，有我不曾和他说话但我知道他是谁的朋友，有我不怎么会保持联络的朋友但我会永远记得我曾经有这位朋友的朋友。当我们去到一个新的环境，我们就会多了一班朋友。朋友多是好事，但是我们一定要真心对待朋友。不要陷害朋友，要在他们需要帮忙是全力以赴的帮助他们。人人都能成为我们的朋友，但这个世界并没有我们想象中那么简单。人太好会被别人欺负，被别人利用，所以我们一定要懂得保护自己。别人要害我们，我们不能让他得逞，但同时我们也不能有害人之心。凡是做事情光明磊落，问心无愧就好。说了那么多大道理，希望我能做到。

Boring X'mas day

Today is Christmas day! It’s supposed to be a merry and cheery day for me but why am I having such a dull and boring day? All my friends have gone outstation, leave me alone in Kuantan. Tif had gone to Singapore. Celebrating X’mas in Singapore is so wonderful. I knew it because I’d experienced it once. Once is enough to make me feel like going there every year during Christmas. Sin Yee had gone to KL. The Christmas celebration in KL is always as joyous as that of in other western countries. It’s bliss to have a chance to celebrate this great day in KL. Twins are not coming back to Kuantan. As for Khan Nye, I guess she is busy since she didn’t reply my msg. Her holiday is too short and it’s forgivable if she chose to spend her holiday with her family members. So, I am all alone for this Christmas. Tension tension tension! Yea! It’s true that I still have my family members but they seem like don’t have the notion to celebrate Christmas at all. I thought of going for shopping with mum this afternoon but I have not much money left. So, no shopping! I have thought of learning dancing by myself but it takes time for me to search for video online. As you know, I can’t stand the radiation from the laptop screen after staring in front of it for too long. Besides, with no room belong to myself and little space to have a bigger move, where should I learn to dance? I would only end up stumble on wires hanging half-way through my room or kicking chairs here and there when I am practicing. So, no dancing lesson at home!Haiz….

This is how I pass my Christmas day! Lying on my bed until finally, I was shouted up by my mum at 10pm. It’s the routine that I have to accompany her for breakfast every morning but I am glad to do so since it means I can have delicious breakfast every day. Today morning is a little bit special as I become the driver for the whole journey, fro and back. I got the chance to drive more as the restaurant is a little bit further from my house than the restaurants that we used to go. After breakfast, once again, I accompany my mum to supermarket! Going to supermarket during Christmas day, that’s a bit sad as the supermarket has no Christmas atmosphere at all. When I reached home after finished buying, I was gladly informed by my bro that the electric circuit had broken down. OMG! No electricity during Christmas! What a day! After that, I got nothing to do but read “The Little Prince”. Haiz…Holiday work again even during the Christmas! L Later I will have bBQ party! This is an annual event organized by a society. Last time I found it quite boring but hopefully there will be some improvement for this year.

Merry Christmas to everyone!

(sorry for torturing you guys to read this post, i am just lazy to re-read it and do some editing work on it.)

A nightmare...

I was sleeping soundly and suddenly, i felt a chill of coldness crept through my whole boday. I could barely see a person sitting right beside me and kept telling me that there's a person lying just beside me who wanna talked to me so much.

Straight away, i knew it's she but i was not dare to turn my head to look at her because

i knew very well i couldn't see her or even touched her. However, she kept insisting in talking to me. I was scared, nervous, panic but

i didn't know what else can i do besides accepting her enquiry.

I was compelled to look at the hp screen so that i could look at her face. I shutteredd my eyes as tight as possible before i had guts to look at the screen. She asked me a lot of questions and gradually, my fear had gone. I chatted with her excitedly until my brother, who suddenly awaked from sleep, reminded me about the consequences that i had to bear after opening myself to this type of conversation for the first time.

My fear reappeared but it was too late.

Whenever I felt the sudden chill of coldness, i knew she was there observing me and trying to find opportunity to approach me. I was worrying all the time but nothing i could do to haul her.

WOW! what a truely frightening nightmare!It's so real that i could hardly believed that it was just a dream. What if it really happened yesterday but i had misassumed it as a dream?NO NO NO. Please don't let this happen on me...

short but meaningful words...

Always try to help a friend in need
Believe in yourself
Study hard
Give lots of kisses
Laugh often
Don't overly concerned with you weight;it's just a number
Meet new people even they look different to you
Remain calm, even when it seems hopeless
Be weird whenever you have chance
Love your friends, no matter who they are
Don't waste food
Relax
Take an occasionaly risk
Try to have a little fun each day, it's important
Share a joke with friends
Fall in love with someone
and say "i love you' often from your heart
Express yourselves creatively
Always be up for surprises
Love someone with all of your heart
Share with friends
Watch your step
There's always someone who loves you more than you know
Exercise to keep fit
Seize the moment
Hold on to good friends, they are few and far between
Indulge in things you truely love
Cherish every Sunday
At the end of the day....Pray
and close your eyes...
And smile at least once a day!

Something to share...

一张纸

出生一张纸，开始一辈子；
毕业一张纸，奋斗一辈子；
婚姻一张纸，折磨一辈子；
做官一张纸, 斗争一辈子；
金钱一张纸，辛苦一辈子；
荣誉一张纸，虚名一辈子；
看病一张纸，痛苦一辈子；
悼词一张纸，了结一辈子；
淡化这些纸，明白一辈子；
忘了这些纸，快乐一辈子!

无论你有多弱或多强，一定要拥有
1）真正爱你的人
2）拥有知心的朋友
3）拥有向上的事业
4）拥有温暖的住所

六个不能：
1）不能饿了才吃
2）不能渴了才喝
3）不能困了才睡
4）不能累了才歇
5）不能病了才检查
6）不能老了再后悔

Outing with NS friends

It's so sudden when i recieved a phone call from my NS friend (Yik Wah)to ask me out this afternoon. I agreed to join them straight away and we went for movie entitled "JUMP" in ECM cinema-a no longer new cinema for kuantan residents but still yes for me. A comfortable cinema is what i can say about this new place to enjoy movie. For the movie, i personally think that it's slightly comical and very meaningful. "If you like something, you won't easily give up on learning it even though you face thousand times of failure." Many people start to surrender to difficulties that they encounter when they have just begin their learning. Whether or not we will succeed in the future it's all depend on our ability to overcome failiure at the early stage of learning.

Yik Wah, Lee Ying and Yan Xin were my NS friends who had joined this outing. There is not much change on them. Yik Wah still a T, Lee Ying still as fair as last time and Yan Xin still the resourceful and somehow a little bit pro-in-everything girl that i knew last time. Most of the time I kept quiet and listened to their conversation. Most of their chatting topics evolved around other NS friends whom i had almost forgotten their name. There were just too many of them and i couldn't even remember their name when i was still in the camp. I always thought that this kind of friendship will not last but they have successfully prooved to me that it can, especially Yik Wah-our DAI KA JIE in camp. She constantly keeps in touch with them and now, she is travelling all around the country to meet them. She takes care of everyone very well and always includes me in their conversation when i look boring. I feel grateful to have them as my friends.

thank you and i will forget about you all
I may not sending messages to you all very frequently
but
when i meet you somewhere
i will know you are once my friends and still now
when you all need help
don't be shy to ask from me
i will try my best to help you all

I hate waiting...

Waiting is a torturing process...It's constantly wearing off my confidence and makes us ovewhelmed by the feeling of anxiety. Whatever we are waiting for is frightening enough but waiting makes it scarrier. Waiting is the most active period for imagination. Many predictions will start to emerge in our mind and they are usually the bad one. They are just predictions but always, we will believe them and causes ourselves to be more anxious and worry. Eventually, we can't eat, can't drink, can't do anything and can't sleep. I'm worrying about my IELTs test result but not worry enough to cause me have insomnia. Neither i have lost my appettite nor have no interest in carrying our my daily activities. That's a good sign, I guess! However, i still hate it...

Good Luck to all IELTs candidates!

God bless us!

What an odd side of me...

She has been complaining that I am not helping her to do even a little bit of house chores. She said I am not a good daughter but deep in my heart, I know that she said it but she never means it. She is just frustrated with all the house work that she has to do all alone.

I understand that it’s not easy to keep a house clean and tidy all the time and she certainly has done the best. I simply have inherited her habit of keeping everything in house in order all the time. It’s proven through my habit of sweeping floor for the entire building when I have been staying in student house. A filthy environment is definitely not something that I can stand. The same mentality I possessed whenever I go, including at home.

However, what’s the reason that causes me refuse to lend a helping hand to her in doing the house work? I wish to do so but I seldom do it. I hope to reduce her burden but I can’t. It takes guts for me to offer my assistance to her, not because she has been rejecting anyone help when we finally ask for anything that we can help out but it’s my own problem. I have been not helping her so it should be so now too. I don’t want her to know I’m a good girl now who will always willing to share her burden. I don’t know why this will happen on me and what I have been so afraid of. I feel shy to let her know that I have changed to be better. I don’t want her to notice that.

Why why why ?

Titanic-I love it!

Just finish watching Titanic. There are more than 5 times I had watched this movie but I still like it as much as I watched it for the first time. The love story between Jack Dawson and Rose is so marvelous and romantic! they truely love each other even though they come from two totally different class of people. Jack keep giving support and courage to Rose even until the last gap of air that he could breath in. He keep protecting her, reassuring her and directing her to do something she never does before even though both of them are in great danger and every single delay will cause them to trap under water and die. Both of them are in deep love. They rather die together than separating from each other forever. They have strong feeling to each other even though they only know each other for not more than a week. It’s so romantic and I wish to have one, but reality tells me that it is nor practical. Love is not just romantic but many other things.

Anyway, I still think that this is a great story. When people are on the edge between live and die, they react in various ways. Those selfish bastards will definitely think of themselves only, not even their family members. They bribe to get the priority to get on the survival boat even though the boats are for woman and children first. Of course, in this case, I am referring to those timid bastard and cowards. What a waste that God has given them the sex of male! However, there’re also some heart-warming scenes that we can see when their life is going to end. Some of them prefer to stay with their beloved and let the sea master take their soul away. There are some who prefer to die gentlemanly where they just sit and wait for the water to wash away their body, their soul and everything. There are parents who ignore the visit of death master and continue to tell bedtime story to their children. Musicians play some merry songs to calm down the frightened people even though they know it doesn’t work much at that moment. They have no fear of dying and welcome death in open arms. These are the touching parts during the chaos. If I were one of them victim (I know it’s bad to do this kind of assumption), I will follow Rose footstep-never leave without my love one (including my family members). I want to share the pain they bare and suffer together with them. I can ask them to go without me but they can never ask me to go without them.

“2,200 people take the ship. 1,500 people fall into the sea when the ship is totally engulfed by the sea. 20 boats are released with approximately 700 people in total board on them. When the ship sinks completely into the water, only one boat come back to rescue the survival. The others just sit in the boats and do nothing. They are waiting to live, waiting to die, waiting for an absolution that would never come. From the 1,500 people, only 6 survive including I.”Rose said. The highlighted part is the phrase that I like the most. We shouldn’t be selfish or we will regret for the whole life.

Twilight 2- New Moon

WOW!i can’t believe that I have just finish watching Twilight 2-New Moon. IS Edward really that handsome? For me, not really but the same goes to the other actors in this movie too, so definitely the fascinating physical appearance of the actors is not the main reason I watch this movie.

The love story of this movie is the one that had attracted me to watch it. Edward and Bella love each other so much. Edward is always there to protect Bella and keep her away from danger. After Edward sudden leave, Bella is willing to do anything risky so that she can see him when he appears to stop her from putting herself into danger. In order to be always together with Edward, Bella is willing and determines to become a vampire. Even though Edward wish to own Bella completely, he never allow her to change as he doesn’t want her to suffer for living the life as a vampire. He is selfless and this shows that love should be selfless. Taking whatever precious away form your loved one is not love.

However, this kind of romantic love story only exists in the movie. In reality, love is more than just sacrifice for each other. Love is friendship, respect, responsibility, going through hardship together and share happiness together. Love is more complicated than what is portrayed in movies. Loving each other is easy, but living together and loving each other unconditionally is nothing easy. The key to sustain love is honesty, toleration and responsibility.

Changing

Everyone is changing now but i am glad to know that

they have change to be better.

Even those who i usually think wouldn't be good person are now changing.

Maybe i have misanalyse them, so far.

They seem to be playful and carefree person but deep in their heart, they aren't.

They are just not showing the true colour of them in the public and that's why

i have misconception on them.

They aren't bad person.

Instead,

they are someone better than me in many ways.

Praises and compliments are what i heard whenever i go but I am not as good as them.

I think they are special.

They possessed strong charateristics and

i do believe they can outdo me if they are given the chance.

They are not afraid of taking risk.

They are willing to sacrifice without worrying about getting hurt.

They treat their friends and families sincerely and that's why they feel

happy, pain, sad,dissapoint and worry.

Some of this feelings are torturing them badly

but not bad enough to stop them from continue giving out their love.

They never escape from problems.

They stand up everytime after they fall.

They become stronger after every single obstacles they have overcome.

They are role model to me.

I learn from them to become a tougher person.

I will be more independent!

I never know that he was so desperate on that night. Why wouldn’t he tell us his problem and feeling when there’s still a chance for us to help him? If he has a mission or goal in his mind, he should tell or we wouldn’t know exactly what he is thinking because we are not working in that field. Anyway, everything already over. We are back to Kuantan already. The only little thing that I can do now is pray hard to the God that he will be able to reach his goal before the deadline.

Yea! He is true that we have been too dependent on him for the last few years. He is just a year older than me but he is much more independent. I always rely on him. When I face problems, I always ask for solution from him. I try to learn to free myself from problems but I never put much effort in it because I know he will always be there to help me. I feel lucky to have a resourceful brother but a too dependent sister is definitely not something that he wishes to have. So, from now on, I will learn to be independent. I will read more, listen more, observe more and think more deeply so that I can make decision on my own and solve my own problems. No more rely on him so that he can do his work without worrying about us.

I am back to kuantan!

WOW! Finally, I was back to my hometown-Kuantan again. I was really happy because this balik kampong was actually a family reunion for me. I was eventually together with my beloved family members again-daddy, mummy, go go and di di. Hehe! It’s great to see them again. Not much change on them except for my younger brother. He has grown even taller now. I guessed he is around 166cm high now and I would not be surprised to see him reaching the height of my elder bro the next coming years.

My family members did not change much and the same goes to my lovely hometown. However, once I reached the city, I realized that there’s a vast difference between Kuala Lumpur or simply Kota Bandar Utama and Kuantan. I couldn’t see well-lid and nicely-designed shops everywhere but old buildings with tarnished paint. No flyovers, no six-lane roads, no sky scrapers everywhere and no congestion. No modernly-dressed people walking along the road and no businessmen or businesswomen discussing about their business plan in the high-class café, yet, I like this small town because I was born here and I am definitely proud of becoming one of its citizens as this place is in progressing now.

Lastly, that’s my old but comfortable house. Some new plants were now in my garden, for example, the hibiscus. I am sure that is my mother work! Besides, there is also a “pen zai” in my house garage. My dad was the new owner of the plant as its former master has chosen to abandon it when they move into their new house. Besides the flowers, the interior part didn’t change much. It still the house that I have been living in for 18 years.

Welcome home to myself!

IELTs Speaking Test

Finally, i had completed my speaking test...OH!I personally think that i had done very bad for the test even though i got the same topic that i was tested on during the mock test...The examiner was actually quite affable, so i was able to relax myself when i was talking to her. She was an old lady but with a very kind look. She was like my grandmother, that's why i felt comfortable being together with her. She gave her fullest attention to me when i was talking. She kept trying to encourage me to relax and talk confidently througout the speaking session. She was really a good examiner.

About the topic i get, it's actually about technology and electronic machines. Compared to candidates, i think my question was the easiest. I had the ideas in my mind but i just can't express them out fluently from my mouth. I didn't use a wide range of vocabulary and there're lots of grammar mistakes that i had done throughout my speech. Besides, i kept repeating the same points as i had out of ideas. Haiz...overall, i thnk i did not do well for my speaking test. Anyway, it's already over. i should put more effort on tomorrow listening, reading and writing test. These are the parts that i can score for if I don't make any careless mistakes during the test. Gambateh to myself!and all the best to others too...

Nervous!Scare!

Three and the half hours more, i have to sit for the IELTs speaking test....i am really nervous now...how if i can't think of idea to talk about the topic?how if i can't think of the correct words or expression to put my thoughts into words?oh..i am really panic now...i have even lose my appetite to eat...i only have one chance to perform my best in the speaking test...pass or fail is all depends on my today performance...i don't want to retake my exam!not only because it's expensive, the most important factor is that i have to nervous for another time....i don't want to suffer next year..From the information i get from seniors, AUSMAT will be tough enough to bring about lot's of suffering to me. i don't want to burden myself with the the scary IELTs test somemore..good luck to myself!i hope that i can excel in this exam and all the best to others candidates too...i am sure that you all are having the same feeling as me too...